Navar was reading this Email sent from my Dad he was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes. I had him read it to me it just made me want to go shopping. What numbers would you or could you do? What kind of misbehaving have you ever done in a store? I’d say the most fun I ever had grocery shopping was when I picked up a whoopee cushion that was on sale by the front door and walked around the store as we shopped, walking behind Navar flapping my arm up and down on the whoopee cushion making noises. I tried to have straight face with a furrowed brow. The shoppers gave him a horrified look like you might want to do something about that gas. I had the giggles so bad by the time I got to the cash register they probably wanted to kick me out of the store. Occasionally, when the store music is too good not to dance we have been known to just starting dancing in the isle.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:
Dear Mrs. Harris,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot
tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,’Code 3 in Housewares.Get
on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station
and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing
management to lose time and costing the company money. We don’t have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite
them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department
to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t
you people just leave me alone?’ EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ using different sizes of
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and
screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very
loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the clerks passed out.
I wouldn’t take me shopping!